I have returned....VICTORIOUS!!!

Oh glory of glories....I am officially DONE my ten page theology paper!!!!! Well, for that class anyway. Haha....I have to print out another copy and edit it for my English class but......I'm not gonna think about that right now. I finished it today at like, 4:30, and I handed it in, ran out of the Dining Hall, and skipped down the sidewalk singing. No joke. It was great. SUCH a relief. I don't think it's all that great, but I'm done caring about it right now.

Tonight I was having one of those lonely things again. It was retarded. So I called Jenice (she's not a school right now, she's a her parents' again) and she came and picked me up. We made milkshakes and had a good talk. I love her. Then I walked back to the school, and that was just awesome. It reminded me of summer, even though I could see my breath and my tootsies were freezing off.

Today was SUCH a beautiful day. I was so annoyed earlier I almost forgot how GORGEOUS it was outside!!! When I went to get my paper printed (I used my roommate's fiance's computer/printer :) Kendra and I stood outside the boys' dorm for like, 20 minutes laughing at her brother. He is a funny guy. Kendra (that's my roomie by the way) threw a snowball in his window, he caught it, and then threw it at the guy in the window beside him. Ho man, it was awesome. And THEN that guy (Brandon) threw it at the NEXT guy (Nathan) and it hit him right in between the eyes. Oh wow, it was awesome. Caleb (roomie's brother) took some pink streamers and tossed it at the guy in the window next to him, and down the line it went. They were very entertained watching it float around in the wind. I took pictures...it was fun.

ANYWAY....I'm gonna go. I think I will start my lesson plan tonight. Ugh...that feels so wrong. Homework on a Friday night? Oh well...I have nothing else to do. :) Ha ha...see ya!

*Caitlin

I have returned....VICTORIOUS!!!

Oh glory of glories....I am officially DONE my ten page theology paper!!!!! Well, for that class anyway. Haha....I have to print out another copy and edit it for my English class but......I'm not gonna think about that right now. I finished it today at like, 4:30, and I handed it in, ran out of the Dining Hall, and skipped down the sidewalk singing. No joke. It was great. SUCH a relief. I don't think it's all that great, but I'm done caring about it right now.

Tonight I was having one of those lonely things again. It was retarded. So I called Jenice (she's not a school right now, she's a her parents' again) and she came and picked me up. We made milkshakes and had a good talk. I love her. Then I walked back to the school, and that was just awesome. It reminded me of summer, even though I could see my breath and my tootsies were freezing off.

Today was SUCH a beautiful day. I was so annoyed earlier I almost forgot how GORGEOUS it was outside!!! When I went to get my paper printed (I used my roommate's fiance's computer/printer :) Kendra and I stood outside the boys' dorm for like, 20 minutes laughing at her brother. He is a funny guy. Kendra (that's my roomie by the way) threw a snowball in his window, he caught it, and then threw it at the guy in the window beside him. Ho man, it was awesome. And THEN that guy (Brandon) threw it at the NEXT guy (Nathan) and it hit him right in between the eyes. Oh wow, it was awesome. Caleb (roomie's brother) took some pink streamers and tossed it at the guy in the window next to him, and down the line it went. They were very entertained watching it float around in the wind. I took pictures...it was fun.

ANYWAY....I'm gonna go. I think I will start my lesson plan tonight. Ugh...that feels so wrong. Homework on a Friday night? Oh well...I have nothing else to do. :) Ha ha...see ya!

*Caitlin

Oh Hippies, how I love you.

Yee ha woo hoo I love my roommate. :) We had an awesome talk last night. Mostly about how overwhelmed I am with all that God is teaching me and bringing up in my life. (I cried AGAIN. There is just way too much estrogen around here. Bah.) We both said that we are so ready to be done school and how we get annoyed with SO many people these days. I was like, "Ok, let's not get angry at each other...cuz then I won't have anyone to talk to!" She laughed at me. Then we danced to some Hindi music, cleaned the bathrooms, and watched THE AMAZING RACE!!! (Woohoo......if you are not watching that show you should be. And if you're not cheering for The Hippies, you should be!) Good times.

Today in chapel I laughed the hardest I've laughed in a while. We had a tape ball war thingy, and SPENCER hit me right in the face. I was not pleased. I tried my hardest to get my revenge, but alas, boys are just WAY BETTER at throwing games...or running games...or games of any kind really. At least way better than me. Sorry to all you jock-girls out there. Ha ha.

Vanessa and I are PUNKS today. Woo hoo. It's great. I kinda feel like being a little emo or angsty or whatever you want to call it today. So our nails are black, our make-up is smudged, and people are probably thinking we're total freaks. But that's fine.

Anyway....my paper calleth. ARGH!!!!!!!

(That was my battle cry.)

I shall return.....VICTORIOUS!!!

*Caitlin

"HO man!!! I would LOVE to just walk around with a monkey on my shoulder!"
-Myranda Harms (from my missions team)

"I like being the devil." -Karen Ford (also from my team) :)

What did the peacock say to the weiner dog?

I really don't know, I just hate thinking of those titles. :)

I had a lonely night last night. (how retarded does that sound) I don't know what was wrong with me. I just sat and stared at the wall, feeling sorry for myself. Everyone was busy, and I had been at work all day so I hadn't really talked to anyone.

I tried calling some people, I tried reading, I tried writing, I tried cleaning. I just gave up and went to bed. I'm not totally sure what is up with me, but I keep reading into things and being all lonely. Kind of like a pity party....it's stupid really.

Then this afternoon I was totally and completely alone. No one was around. Again, I didn't really know what to do with myself...I wanted to talk to someone or DO something. I ended up just talking to God. "Ended up" sounds negative...but that's kind of how it happened. It was like my last resort or something. But as I was doing that, Kerri came in and asked if I was "sad". :) I told her I kind of was, and then we talked a little. I am SO thankful that she came in. We talked about something I need to deal with and talk to someone about. (Don't worry, she doesn't read this, it's none of you. :) And then we talked about our mutual "issues" and stuff we're learning. It was grand.

THEN I went on a huge cleaning spree. I'm talking airing out blankets, changing the sheets, goign through clothes, vacuuming, and dusting. Wow, it was great. I'm not done yet, there's a massive ammount of clothing lying around my room, all sorts of piles that go in different places etc....I really don't want to finish it. Ha ha.

Anyway, I hope you all are ok. Oh, and Kels, thanks for calling last night. Sorry for not calling back, I was in bed. :) Ha ha....love you. :)

*CNR

quotes

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"I'm not Captain Crunch or anything, but I have driven a boat."

"And then I'm gonna buy a hummer! Oh, that's a bummer."

"WHOA-HO! Surprise! It's a BABY!"

- One of my professors, Bud J.
......................................................
"Like liquid gold, baby!"

- The music professor, John Bell, trying to describe how he wants a song to sound
.......................................................
"Wow, they're calling this game like Saran Wrap. Tight."

- Hogan on the basketball game last night (woohoo...yeeah Happy Trails)
.......................................................
"Oh, it was just sort of a sperm of the moment thing."

"WHOA! He's everywhere I see him!!!"

- My dear friend, Ashley Braun :) (I heart my JO)
.........................................................
"NOOOOO.....DEATH by Theology!!!!"

- Lindsay writing her 10 page paper yesterday.....due in one week.
..........................................................
My missions team playing Taboo: Jon, "Something I don't have!"
Chelsie, "FRIENDS!"
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(in an Indian accent) "Oh-ho-ho Caitlin, you bringa da jollies to me!!!"

- Spencer, my dish pit buddy! :)
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crappy days and brownies

Alright so, I haven't done this in a while... :)

The other day, Tuesday I think, was one of the crappiest days I have had in a LONG time. First of all, I'll be honest, I was PMSing. Badly. On top of that I had written my testimony the day before and realized that I am still dealing with a lot of the stuff I thought I had "dealt with" a long time ago. That SUCKED. Let me tell you about it...

In my testimony I talked about how God "took away" three of my best friends EVER in Senior High. (Oh Senior high........not really what I would call "the good ol' days." :) In grade 10 and 11, I totally twisted the fact that my friends were gone to mean that I was worthless. No one loved me, or liked me, or wanted to be with me. Ever. I was so angry and hurt and confused and alone. SOMEHOW...God found me. One night while I lay bawling my face off on the floor and getting everything thoroughly snotty, He found me. I realized that I am NOT worthless in His eyes. I came to him dirty and broken and hurt and fallen apart, and he took me like that. That's pretty overwhelming to say the least.

So basically I thought I had dealt with my whole "self-worth"/ "loneliness" issue. I thought so wrong. I'm pretty sure that it is something that is going to come up again and again. On Tuesday, I got a fairly significant assignment back with a comment that basically said I should just drop my outline and topic for my 10-page paper and start from scratch. Then some people here at school made some fairly insensitive comments that affected me deeply, mostly because I am still dealing with this self worth thing. THEN I went home for supper and had the worst time yet with my family. I have a rotten attitude towards my brother and sister and mom, and it affects the whole family. A LOT. I hate that the most. I just hate it, and I have no idea what my problem is. That is the worst....stuff with my family.

So I cried, alot, more than three times that day. I felt like a hunk of junk, a piece of dirt...you know. In my head I KNEW that was not true, I'm not a hunk of junk, but I had SUCH hard time believing that. I felt totally worthless.

I got back to school after supper at my parents' house, and got a card from my discipler that said, "Precious in His Sight" on the front. I cried right there in the Dining Hall. My dad also sent some brownies home with me. That's little, but it's big, you know? Then I got an awesome e-mail from Miriah. All she said was that she loves hearing from me and wanted me to come to her grad. Just that was confirmation that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE loves and appreciates me and wants to be with me.

Then, ok I'll just say it, I got an e-mail from KALEB. And it made me laugh. A lot. I don't really know why. :) And then I told him all about my crappy day. That was awesome, cuz I didn't get to talk to anyone all day cuz I had SO much to do. Then, he called me and said that even though alot of the junk that goes on in my family is my fault (so I said) so is alot of the GOOD stuff that goes on in my family. (Alright, Kaleb, you may not have said it that well on the phone, but I got it. :)

God is so good. I was the lowest I've been in a long time that day, even AFTER those e-mails and talks. But God provided encouragement and people for me to talk to. My ROOMMATE, holy smokes, we had such a good talk (LATE at night of course) and I discovered some of the lies I believe. It totally blows me away how good God is to me, all the time. He didn't leave me low, he lifted me back up. :) I hope that someone is encouraged by this. It's true, I've exprienced God's faithfulness and goodness and provision and peace. It's there, he's there, go find him you guys...seek him out, he'll meet you where you are.

And THAT is it for now. Sorry, I get kinda long-winded.... :)Love you all, e-mail me, call me, whatever. :)

*Caitlin

WHAT the...?

OK, So everything's going all fine and dandy right? Maybe not. God sure has some sense of humor. I thought everything was totally ok with the roommate thing, but I thought wrong. I guess tonight some girls from her care group talked with her and basically were very honest with her, and now we're off on a another wonderful adventure down Emotional Tension Lane.

I found out tonight that things are not done with this situation, and I just about cried in front of my whole missions team. Ha ha. And I also found out tonight that two of my best friends' mom has pneumonia again...and that is just heartbreaking. AND my poor friend Jenice is having a super hard time dealing with one of her kind of "old" friends. I thought everything was "getting better" and that life was going to get a little less emo and stressful. But no.

It pretty much amazes me that I'm actually doing ok though. God is good, especially through all this drama that is my life. :) I am constantly being reminded of God's goodness in random ways throughout the day. My Gramma Rose sent me a care package today (YEAH Fruit-To-Go!!!) :) And even that jsut made me go, "Wow God, you know when I need to lighten up." :) He is helping me be thankful and rejoice even in these kind of sucky circumstances. He is good, as I've said before, and He will never change. That is so comforting.

*Caitlin

P.S. My friend Robyn is here at the school on a campus visit!!! WOO HOO!!! Ashley B. is coming tomorrow and Friday, and I'm so glad they're here now. I love them. They are such a blessing. Thank you, God!!! :)

Line-dancing, alfredo sauce, and go-for-the-vocals!!!

Ok, so I haven't done this in a while. I won't update. It takes way too long, and I have bathrooms to clean. :)

As far as the roommate goes actually...we've been getting along WAY better since the break. She has dealt with alot of what she was going through before...so that's an answer to prayer. We're pretty much back to normal...we've been up late talking like 3 nights in a row, and the other day she randomly taught me a new line-dance. Last night she said the weirdest things...which probably really aren't that wierd, it was just late and I was tired. I was like, "Ten seconds isn't really that long." and she said, "It is when you're not breathing." Yeah...I don't know. We're strange. :) But I'm so thankful things are getting better. We still have our times....sometimes she does the whole "I'm emotional and I'm going to ignore and avoid you now" but I've just been choosing to be honest and blunt and ask her what the heck is wrong! So it's all good...

Tonight I went to Jenice's house for supper. Her parents are away so she's out of the dorm at their house for the week. PARTAY!!! No, not really, but we made a mean alfredo sauce for our pasta. :) It was awesome...we had no idea what we were doing, we followed some sort of concoction that her cousin gave us....and it worked! Fancy that. It was fun.

Then after that I had worship practice with my team from youth group. We prayed alot...which is SO GOOD...and then we got SO much done! Like, GOOD STUFF!!! That is probably the first time I've come home SO excited about that team. It pretty much sucks alot of the time...I just get frustrated...and tonight as I gave it to God, it totally worked out. WOW!!!! So awesome. I still did my whole "vocal coach" thing...ha ha. I use the term, "Go for the vocals" alot! :) I jsut hope they know what I mean.

I could really use prayer right now about MONEY!!!!! AGH!!!! I hate the stuff. But I'm going on this missions trip (I'm doing ok there, God is awesome) and then I feel called to go back to camp, AND back to school next year, AND I'm supposed to be in a friend's wedding this summer. So basically I need a whole bunch of money and I have absolutely no IDEA where it's going to come from. I also owe my parents money for my shots for my trip....oy....I hate thinking about it. So I'm trying to let God TAKE IT away from me. I am working on Saturdays and I applied for a whole bunch of scholarships etc...but I need GOD to do this. So just pray that God will provide and show me a way out of my financial predicament. :) He will.

Anyhoo...my roomie is probably looking for me right about now, so I'm gonna go. Peace out. Word to yo motha!!! :) ha ha

*Caitlin
BIG S!!!!!

2 Corinthians 1:3-11