Circle of Friends...slacker....future?

Yep. It's Circle Of Friends tonight. The big swanky banquet that lots of PRBI supporters come to. I'm serving again this year, and it's bringing last year all back. What a CRAPPY time. Ho man. I sort of forgot about it until yesterday. But this year I'm serving with a really awesome guy that I am totally ok with. I know most people have no clue what I'm talking about...and that is just ok. :) Basically I'm just remembering a little bit of last year and I don't particularily like it.

I've been wondering SOOOO much about my future lately. I hate it! I know that when people ask what I'm doing next year and beyond, it's just because they care. BUT....it just stresses me out. I have no idea what's going to happen. I know a few things that I want to do, but I'll have to wait a while yet for them to be possibilities. So, for now...I just don't know. And I think that SHOULD BE ok. :) It's not like I enjoy being all sketchy and uncertain, but I just do not know. In some ways other people are in quasi-control of my future, it's out of my hands in alot of ways. It's a struggle for me to let it go. God sees the big picture. I just really really want to.

I've also been a gigantic slacker for the last 2 weeks, and now I'm going to pay for it. :) My homework is starting to be due this week, I have to somehow make the fireplace into a princess castle for Youth Alert, and I have class, Practical Work, discipling, care group planning.....and more. In some ways I just want to be done school, in alot of ways I HATE the thought of leaving.

Is everything always so contradictory?

Anyway. I have to serve dessert now. :) Toodles.

*"Thumb"

My love/hate relationship with school.

Wow. We had the most amazing chapel yesterday. I can't go into detail, but one girl gave her testimony and it was just exactly what I needed to hear. I've kind of been really passive the last little while. I see something that just isn't right and I don't do anything to change it. That is NOT like me AT ALL...so I thought I was doing good at not being too agressive and/or critical. I also thought that I was trusting God by just going with the flow. BUT I don't think that's right anymore. Trusting God doesn't mean sitting around waiting for things to change. I may have to wait for some things sometimes, but if something is actually wrong...I think I should act.

We also talked today in Family Studies about not being controlled by people. I NEVER would have said that I have an issue with that, but I do. And I see how I have let that happen. So my roommate made a suggestion, I talked to my discipler, and I'm going to talk to my Family Studies prof. about it. We'll see what happens. I just don't want to speak or act hastily. I also tend to do that. It's like I went from one extreme to the other. And now I'm trying to find a happy medium.

My friend Jenice and I also had some good talks yesterday and today. I LOVE my friends. HO man...so much. We can not see each other and really connect for months on end and then when we do talk, somehow we still have this ability to talk and bond and connect at a deep level. I LOVE it! Ashley Braun, one of my best friends in the whole world, is one of those friends that I never see. But every time we talk we both can share and open up and challenge the other person. It is just the hugest blessing. And Jenice and I always have CRAZY fun...we are ridiculous sometimes, but we can also have really REALLY amazing talks. It was really really good to catch up with her yesterday and see how she's doing.

I also talked with my camp director on Monday. It was actually really good. He used to intimidate the heck out of me, but I've grown much more confident in the last couple of years...or just months. :) So we had a good talk and he encouraged me to make a meeting with an advisor at the college in GP about what I need to do in order to go to school there. I don't even know if I want to go to school there or what I would take, but he said it would be a really good idea. So it was really cool to talk with him, too. He's so weird.....and I mean that in the nicest way possible...and I really respect him TONS. And talking with him about camp made me really not want to be here. :) BUT I know I'm supposed to be. I'm learning so much and being challenged like, every second!

Anyway. I should do homework. I have been the world's hugest slacker for the last 2 weeks. It's gonna catch up to me eventually though. I better get cracking. :) Dang, sometimes I LOVE it here, and sometimes I just want to be anywhere BUT here. What a strange relationship I have with my school... :)

"I'm still waiting for the rain to fall...pouring life down on me. Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough. Am I good enough for you to love me too?" - Oh Amy Lee. :)

*C

I cannot believe it...

I saw Amy Lee....LIVE...in person. And she was good! :)

I got back tonight at like, 7:00 from Edmonton. It was really really fun....I didn't really want to come back to school, and it's only been one 1/2 weeks of the semester. Bah. But whatever, the concert etc. was fun. After Whitecourt Amy sat in the back with me and Am and we "primped". I hate that word, but it's appropriate. Kaleb was fascinated with the eyelash curler...that was funny. And we all looked "fabulous" after 17 layers of black eyeliner and mascara and some red lip gloss. :) I'm pretty sure the boys were jealous.

We got there only an hour-ish early and walked into an almost empty floor. I was SO pumped. Amber was all worried that we were too late to get a good spot, but we ended up with only one line of people in front of us right at the left side of the stage. It was crazy! I definitely didn't expect that.

The first band was awesome. Black Maria...some band no one has ever heard of. They put on a good show, but no one seemed to care. :) The drummer was crazy....I ALWAYS like the drummer....and I was just waiting for his eye to get poked right out with his drumstick. Crazy.

The second band, StoneSour, sucked HARDCORE! Ok, not really. The music didn't suck, it was actually really cool. How do I describe it? I don't know. Basically all I thought was I like this and my dad would HATE it! :) Tee hee. But yeah, the lead singer was probably the creepiest man I have ever seen. He had this sick 90s wavy blond hair (CAN it get worse than that?) and tatoos all over him and he was just....oh so arrogant. We tried to count how many times he said the "F" word..but we lost count after like, 25. It was absolutely ridiculous. Amber and I were just so uncomfortable, but we had a freakin awesome spot that we didn't want to give up, so we dealt with it. At least they had a cool drummer too...his hair was huge and half black/half bright red. I would never wish that on anyone I know, but it was cool for a drummer from a crappy band.

So THEN....Oh joy. It happened. Sweet Sacrifice (probably my 2nd fav song) started playing, and whabam!!! There was Amy Lee...singing her heart out a few feet in front of me. Oh yes...it was awesome. I didn't want to miss a thing, so me and Am just watched the whole time. No headbanging at all, I was kind of surprised. :) She sang all the songs I wanted her to including the BEST...Lacrymosa..ho I love that song.

It was over too fast. We went back to our hotel and played cards...I kicked butt...and then went to bed at 2:00. We went to Galaxy Land and went on the crazy ride across from the Mindbender. It was SO scary, especially the second time when we sat in the front. Amber and I screamed our heads off...I seriously thought I might die. I had images of me falling out of my too big harness and crashing down onto the metal beams below. It wasn't too pleasant, but it was still really fun. I love going on rides with Amber. She screams, too, so that makes me feel less stupid. Ugh. I totally just remembered the SICK feeling I had on that ride, and it's...awful. :)

Anyhoo. I'm gonna go attempt homework or cleaning. This is really long. :)

"I can't change who I am...Not this time! I won't lie to keep you near me. And in this short life there's no time to waste on giving up. My love wasn't enough...." -Lacrymosa - Amy Lee WOO!!!

*Caitlin

Alrighty then...

My life and all its craziness...oh craziness.

EVANESCENCE is in THREE sleeps!!!! And I kind of don't want it tot come, cuz then it will be done. :) But hopefully it'll be amazing and then Amber and I can relive it a milllion times for years to come. We're good at that.

My dear dear friend KERRI from my missions team surprised me on Monday night, and she's here til Sunday. :) She came into my room at like, 11:45 when I was in bed, and I jumped out of bed and screamed and gave her a huge hug. :) It's been SOOOOOO good to see her! We've been talking about Africa like, non-stop and had our traditional Chinese food in the lounge tonight. It was awesome. I missed her alot. Talking about AFRICA makes me want to go back even more. We both almost cried when we talked about this one lady that I talked to once when we visited some Irish construction workers in their bar. :) Basically she was hired for the night, and NO ONE would talk to her. So I did. Sorta scary, really sad, and we both sort of forgot about it until now. I miss it so much now. someday I WILL go back.

Ugh. "SOMEDAY"? I hate that word.

So, I kind of thought that second semester would be fun...ner than last semester. That God would give me a break and let me do my own thing for a while. But I should know better than to think God's gonna stop doing what's best for me for one second. He's been stretching me already. Camp days is like, the thorn in my side right now. I feel so completely inadequate with it all. But thankfully it's on Sunday and will be mostly done on Tuesday. I don't think that it was the best choice for my Practical Work, but that's ok. I'll just do marking after this, and hopefully I'll learn to not be so picky with my beloved book charts.

I was SO ridiculously excited to see my roommate on Sunday, and it was a grand reunion. :) We didn't even make it up the stairs before we laughed our heads off to the point of weakness. I love it love it love it. I've been sort of weird this week though. I'm not really sure why. I guess it is the first week of school, and those are always weird.

Yesterday my care group went to Gullivers for wings, and they surprised me with an amazing peice of cheesecake and a quasi embarrassing song from all the waitresses and the one waiter. He was really funny. Michelle and Haley and I killed ourselves laughing at him cuz I sweat he said "guys" every 5 words. :) "Yeah no problem guys." "Is that everything, guys?" "Oh awesome guys I'll get your bill guys." He was crazy.

Anyway, I'm extremely tired....My roommate's rubbing off on me and I'm becoming really talkative really late at night when I have class 7 hours later. :) TIRED!!! 3 more sleeps, baby! :) Woo hoo...

*Caitlin

Testing testing 1-2-3...

just seeing if I can do this without a Google thing :)