mellow

yep. Once in a while I am just...mellow. Actually probably not "once in a while".....it happens often. Alot of people don't understand it, sometimes I don't either. I think I just NEED time a couple times a week to be alone and paint or write or scrapbook or draw and most of all THINK. I don't really have space to do any of those things now, so blogging it is. :)

I'm feeling a weird peace now that I haven't felt in a while. I'm peaceful, yet kind of restless. I feel like I want to run off and travel the world and see all the things I want to see...like a flea market in Paris and water streets and rice fields and a bull fight. And at the same time I want to stay in Sexsmith forever and keep everything the same as it always has been. I have this weird love-hate relationship with change, and this is a time of HUGE change. So it's weird, and I don't really know how to explain it to anyone. And so I blog. :)

It's almost been a year since I left for Africa....which is so surreal. It seems like forever ago AND yesterday that I was there. I miss it, yet I'm terrified at the thought of going back. It never leaves me though...never ever....this passion to DO something about it, about the pain and darkness that practically oozed out of every person I met in Sierra Leone. I'm still processing that trip....I remember things all the time and can't really tell anyone. I met this one girl named Janet....she made me cry. We went to have "drinks" with some random Irish construction workers we met as we drove in the Provinces. We hung out at their compound....air conditioning!!!!!.....and then one very uncomfortable, guilty looking man came in with a very broken, used woman. She sat down at the counter, I felt sick to my stomach, and then I talked to her. She looked SO surprised when I asked her name and smiled at her and asked about her life. I could see in her eyes how much she LONGED for love. We talked, and then the man asked her to go with him. She gave me an embarrassed, sorry smile and left with him. She was hired for the night. People like her stay on my mind all the time. I can't leave that alone.
But what do I do?

Ok. It feels good to get that out. I didn't want to journal it cuz I feel really achy and it would have really hurt my hand to write all that. :) Forgive my ramblings. I guess there's just alot on my mind. Alot of memories and dreams and fears and questions. I hope that someday my mind slows down enough for me to figure it out.

*CNR

PG....not as in parental guidance

So...I'm in Prince George. Hence the "PG." oh ho ho....my wit astounds Kristine.

We drove here today and had a grand time cruising to Theresa, random mixes from Rachelle, and sang our little hearts out to Disney. We got some hilarious videos of Kristine and Jenice doing interpretive dance and the Cirlce of Life song. :) I love it. Then Jenice tried to take a bathroom break, and two cops came, so she held it a little longer....or all the way here, like 2 more hours. Wow.

I graduated from PRBI on Saturday and then got baptized on Sunday, that was fun. I was just so giggly when I walked across the stage to snag my diploma. :) I loved it. Getting baptized was cool, but I wasn't like, OH MY WORD, I am so proud of myself. I cried in my testimony and made the mic SCREAM, so that kind of sucked. Then I moved home, said goodbye to my roommate, and then drove here this morning.

I'm not totally sure how I feel about gradding and being done school and moving out in the fall. I'm neutral. I actually considered going back to school and being a Care Leader for a few fractions of a second. But the house in GP (not PG) worked out so well, it just doesn't make sense to go back unless God makes it VERY obvious. So.....I stick with the plan.

Anyhoo, Jenice wants to kick me off. What a weenie. :) Mwa ha ha.

Roll up the rim, kick the bucket, and "Kiss the Girl."

*C

The beginning of the end

What a wierd feeling. I'm done my last class at PRBI....and I'm not really excited. Last year I was so pumped to be done everything, this year I'm just really sad. I started taking down everything on my wall today, and my roommate was so bummed out. :) I loved my room.....it actually is really sad to take everything down. But I'm away Sun-Tues and then everything happens Thurs-Sun....so I have to start now. It's definitely bitter sweet.....being done.

Last night was our floor party and last care group. We did a scavenger hunt/photo shoot thing for care groups and it actually ended up being pretty fun. Then Jenice, Kristine, Rachelle, and I went for what will probably be our last Timmy's run. :) Man, we had SOOOOO much fun. First, the guy at the counter totally lied to Jenice and laughed at her....and so did the rest of us. Then Rachelle won a coffee from Roll Up the Rim, Kristine smeared cream cheese on Rachelle's face, and we were just really loud. It's like everywhere we go we get shushed. :) Then we booked it around town and took really random and frightening pictures. :) I laughed SO hard. Of course we had a killer dance party all the way home and then laughed our heads off at the pictures on my computer this morning. :) Those girls are amazing....I will miss them like crazy.

Yesterday afternoon sucked...hardcore....like so hardcore that not even a 40 minute walk helped clear my mind. That was bizarre. I talked with one of my profs for an hour and a half, and that sort of helped, and sort of made it harder. But today has been better....I'm just so thankful for my friends. I don't know what I will do without them. :)

Anyway. This may very well be my last post for a while....as if that's unusual. :) The next week will be full of fun and goodbyes and TONS of laughs and probably tears. Sigh. Here we go. The beginning of the end... :)

*Caitlin

que Jepoardy theme....

Yep. waiting. again.

I handed in my last homework assignments yesterday....but not before I pretty much killed myself trying to finish on time. :) I was up until 5:30 am on Monday and then slept for 2 1/2 hours, went to class, slept for another hour and a 1/2, and then worked my butt off all day to get everything done. I think that my biography paper sucked....but I'm kind of done caring. :) It's a weird thought...not really having anything to do. I guess I still have class, discipleship, care groups, marking....etc...but that will even be done really soon. Weird.

So now there's like this HUGE transition time that I'm pretty sure everyone goes through. I'm a huge paradox again. I'm SO pumped for everything that I get to do and that God will do, yet it all freaks the crap out of me, too. I just want to know what's going to happen. But I can't. And so I'm waiting.

I had a good talk last night with one of my best friends ever....Miss Amber Lynn Badger. :) Dang, I miss her! :) I get so caught up in everything at school, I forget that I haven't talked to some people in like, months sometimes. It's horrible. But now I'm done homework, so hopefully I'll be able to reconnect with some of those people. Especially Am and Kelsey! :) Apparently the plan is to have a girls night and watch Evanescence music videos. Booyah.

I played music for chapel this morning...it was fun. All I had to do was the synth....super easy...and we played one of my favorite songs ever. It's a lament from Psalm 13 by Brian Doerksen....listen to it if you can. It's real life stuff.

Anyway. My room looks like a tornado came through 3rd floor. It amazes me every time how fast that tiny space can get so messy. :) At least I'm not alone....my roommate is just as bad, along with half of the dorm. Off I go...call someone if you don't hear from me in a few days, I might get lost in there.

*Mrs. Darley