Oh my ab

I did weights and sit ups and such for the 1st time yesterday and wow I hurt. :) The "ab" is just for my PRBI girls..."Where are you, Ab? Where are you?"

So.....it's like my brain just can't decided if this week has been good or bad. I have mixed feelings. :) Working out is good for me...I don't have to think about anything but running. That's a first since I don't even know when. My emotions fluctuate on like, an hourly basis. It's crazy. At one point today I was thought, WOW. I have WAY too much to do and I'm NEVER going to get it done. And then later on tonight I got a little more optimistic and kicked my research paper's butt. I was on a role, and then I was signed up for the treadmill at 10. Sigh.

Anyway. I'm loving this whole new perspective called hope. I think I wrote about it a while ago....and it's still just as weird as before. It's a new thing for me....hardcore. Things almost seem to be getting worse in some areas of my life, yet I have this bizarre outlook on it all. I admit, sometimes I get REALLY REALLY cynical and pessimistic and all those other words that make you think of some skinny old teacher with her hair in a really tight bun. Or something like that. :) But more and more I'm choosing to believe what's actually true. So even if yeah, life really actually sucks and I'm freaking out about feeling alone again, I can still CHOOSE to believe that I'm not ever alone. God will never ever leave me. My feelings about my life haven't really changed, but truth changes my perspective a little bit. So basically, life still sort of sucks, but I see God more in my life and I know more what to do with everything I feel.

Oh Feelings. Talk about a love-hate relationship.

I'm also feeling like I need to give myself a little credit for some things. Progress HAS been made...and is being made. I've said it before and I'll say it a million times more.....that rhymed....I am TOO hard on myself!!! :) Seeing myself the way God actually sees me is probably one of the most foreign concepts to me. But it's wicked awesome....and really hard to explain how much it affects so much of my life. But yeah....there's a lot to talk about there, and I just really don't feel like being serious right now. :)

I've been thinking alot about camp lately. Before it was Africa.....ALL the freaking time. Now it's camp. Not quite all the time, but I'm sure it'll get there eventually. :) I always have mixed thoughts/feelings about a new summer at camp. I'm just SOOOOOO unbelieveably pumped to see some girls and work with the girls that are counseling....and I'm freaked out of my mind about what I'll have to do and be challenged in and work through. Every summer is completely different yet somehow the same, and I never know exactly what to expect. I don't do super awesome with that, but it's also kind of exciting. So overall I'm just SUPER impatient to get started, and it's still like, four months away. Before I know it, it'll be done...

Ok. I'm off to kick some paper butt again. I will return victorious....maybe....I hope.

*Caitlin