Procrastination...how I love thee.

Ok, not really. I hate procrastinating, especially when I have buttloads of stuff to do. But whatever. :)

I've been watching my brother's v-ball tournament this weekend, and I just LOVE it. He's awesome! But it's so weird to see him play on a HIGHSCHOOL team. I never got to see him play last year, and now he's like, the go-to guy on the team in a tight spot. Yep. It makes me proud to watch him, especially when he wins the last point 2 games in a row on a SWEET play. :)

I really REALLY do not want to be where I am right now. I keep thinking that the future is going to be so much better. But that's really scary...cuz then I miss today it seems. And really, the future isn't really going to be all that great. I'm starting to freak out a little when people ask me what I'm doing next year. I don't KNOW! I don't even know what I want to do. Well...not true. I know some things, but I'm not like, "I am GOING to be a teacher." Or whatever. I used to want to be, but now I'm like, 4 more years of school, bleh. No way. I'm pretty sure I want to move out. I know my parents do not like that idea, but I've always wanted to do that. Live with a girlfriend...learn to pay bills and cook and all that stuff. Really I know it's not like, glamorous or anything, but I think I should do it, at least for a while.

There is alot of stuff I want to do, if I'm being honest, but my mindset is that most of them are impossible, or like, possible waaaay down the road. Some things are sort of little, like a road trip to Ontario, I would just LOVE to do that. Go see my grandparents and go boating and swimming and stay in the old "cat room" :) and see my cousins. Ho dang...that would be awesome. But that's sort of one of those things that uh, you need MONEY to do, and so I really can't do that for a while. Just like most other things I want to do.

So right now I don't really like where I am. I don't want to be at school, but I do. I don't want to be working, but I do. Everything is so up in the air...and I really don't like that feeling. I was going to say, "I really need something that I can be totally sure of." But I have that. I am totally sure of God and I'm learning to be totally sure of who I am in him. So I guess that all that other stuff is sort of secondary. I don't have to stress about next year. I don't have to stress about stupid situations at school or with friends from home.

If only I thought like that all the time. :) Oh well....it's coming more naturally now. That's a good sign. Now I REALLY need to go work on my speech. At least I know what I'm doing it on now...that's one step in the right direction. :) Ok. Caitlin....OUT!

*Saffron - my name from my care group's Hippie Night. I like it actually. I always knew I should have been a real hippie. :)